


Ink Filled Promises

by roguewriter



Category: Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben/Kylo perspective, F/M, Fluff, Force Bond, I mean all of reylo is but, Kinda, Redemption, Reylo - Freeform, kinda pride and the prejudice inspired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-24 09:49:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13211220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roguewriter/pseuds/roguewriter
Summary: Inspired by Ben Solo's calligraphy set and Mr. Darcey's letter after his first failed proposal (but loosely)He sees her again for the first time since she closed the bond. His mind is a racing, full of emotions and so he writes it down in a letter to her.





	Ink Filled Promises

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for the last Jedi

She was sleeping the first he saw her again since she had closed the door on him that day. It felt like it had been a lifetime since he had seen her. He still couldn’t see around her… just her. The cold contrast of his metal room harshly meet her soft form. It looked like she was lying on his bed, peacefully tangled in his black sheets, and for a moment he let himself believe that. Let himself believe that she went to bed early with a shared promise of him joining her later. That wasn’t the case however. 

He remained still, just sitting at his desk contemplating what he should do. He  _ should  _ hate her, he should wake her up and demand answers to her betrayal. She  _ left _ him, left him for the damned resistance. Even after he pathetically called her named and whispered please, she still left him. Didn’t she understand? Didn’t she get that the only thing the resistance ever bought was destruction…

_ So does the first order…  _ a voice in his head corrected him, not the one that belonged to Snoke. No that voice was disappeared the moment his grandfather's saber sliced the man in two, relieving his head of pressure and weight he had become so accustomed too. With it gone he felt like it left him floating. This new voice felt like it was apart of him, it was, even though he tried to fight it. He wanted to swallow it down, make it disappear but it was like it was given room to breath and it wasn’t planning on being drowned out again. It had been there with everything he had been doing, every choice he had to make as leader. Every strike at an enemy, every order of the tropes and every single one of those commands had felt like poison to him. It haunted him and her voice joined it  _ “Don’t go this way Ben”  _ … and slowly he found himself listening to it.

“Ben…” she breathed out, and his eyes grew wide. Finding her still still asleep, she was dreaming of him?

He stood from his desk moving himself closer to her. Her breathing was still steady, getting a closer look allowed him to really see her again. Her hair was still let down, he liked it that way, and some of strands fallen across her face. Her lips were slightly open, and he couldn’t help but stare at them. He let himself do it, he let himself give into the parts of himself that were soft with her. He gazed at her like she was a work of art and wished to commit every bit of her peaceful face to memory.

She was bright, everything in his room was drowned by her presence. He wanted to reach out, to touch her again like they did that day she confided in him. He shouldn’t though, this wasn’t the same, she didn’t come to him, she didn’t seek him out. She was asleep and the bond betrayed her by bringing her here. She would be sickened by knowing he was watching her. Shame washed over him, and he looked away pacing back across the room towards his desk. His next actions happen quickly and without much thought. Reaching for his long forgotten writing set, dipping it into ink and briefly remembering the calm it provided to the boy tormented by voices.

_ Rey, _

_ I hope I am not mistaken in my wish that you will read this letter with a open mind. I am not looking for your forgiveness, nor do I expect it from you. My only hope is that you can find answers in my confessions. I know you don’t understand many of my actions, and I will not pretend to have good enough reasons for you to understand them… I often don’t understand them myself.  _

_ You have asked me why I killed Han, and I do not believe that my answer was what you wanted. I do not believe that this answer will be what you want either. My father was a good man and a kind one, you know this first hand. I killed him, I loved my father and I killed him. I killed him because I believed his death would release me from the pain that my past haunts me with. Snoke made me believe that destroying my past would build the darkness and, in turn, my power. His voice haunted me, it was digging into my thoughts for as long as I can remember and I must admit I still have not gotten used to being free of it. This voice however did not control my actions. I am guilty of many things. I have committed many acts from my own choice, I had killed and hurt people without second thought. I feel the detail of these actions is not needed in this letter however if you wish to hear it I will share it with you. _

_ Your words from our many meetings have stayed with me. I still do not know if I wish to join the resistance, what I do know is I can no longer continue on the path that I had created for myself. I am finally alone with my thoughts and I am still angry. I still believe in things that I believed in, but no longer in many of them. I plan on leaving the first order. Taking my ship, disengaging the trackers and going to a place where I can find whatever it is I think I’m looking for. _

_ I cannot promise you the person you saw in your vision of me, but there is something I want to come true from the things we saw. If you want to contact me, I’m sure the force will find a way. _

_ May the force be with you, _

~~_ Kylo Ren     Ben _ ~~ _      No One _

He hadn’t gotten any of his thoughts out before and his letter seemed to be a jumbled mess of what he was thinking. He knew it was true though, he knew that this title he held and this life he lead was no longer his. The life of Ben Solo was no longer his either. He collected what he needed to, and continued to convince himself of this resolve. This is what he wanted. He didn’t want to be angry. He was still haunted by Snoke, by everyone in his past but his will was solely his for what felt like the first time and he didn’t want to be here. He didn’t want to be stuck in this life. A grin flashed across his face, he couldn’t believe that he was going to do this. 

He gently folded the letter, and scrawled her name across the front. He didn’t know if this would work, if it didn’t he would find another way to get it to her. He gently placed it in her hands and focused on sending it with her, knowing he was sending her away as well. She would be back though. He could feel it, he could feel the force whispering to him that this was right.

Then she was gone, and there was no trace of her soft skin or the letter. Breathing a sigh of relief he grabbed what was necessary and left. Holding the stance of the Supreme Leader for the last time. He felt no need to look back, instead his eyes were trained forward his mind consumed by the future rather than clouded by the past.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I really enjoyed writing this! xx


End file.
